She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Come on in and take your pants off
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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