WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
