Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
