Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
