Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It's just like the Real World with babies
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
did i just pee glitter
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
