i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
