I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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