just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
