I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
