i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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