Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Send help, water and tortillas.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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