If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
