Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
