I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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