the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
