Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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