I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
