my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
