I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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