i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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