I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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