Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
