the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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