i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
