she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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