Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
