I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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