everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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