Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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