JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
