I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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