Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
