I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
