I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
