wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
