Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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