i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize