Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
