i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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