I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
