i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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