I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
