found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
