maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
