So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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