Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
