I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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