At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
