He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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