If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
And then he peed in my hair
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
