i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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