The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
