Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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