Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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