I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
