It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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