Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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