don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
did i walk over a car last night?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
