A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
