Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
