So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
