It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
