Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
