Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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