So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize