Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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