And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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