"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
