Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
