Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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