whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize