the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
