drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
