I just saw a hot homeless man
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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