I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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