He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
