i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
