Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
