I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
