i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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