He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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