Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
