I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize