Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
