So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize