I am spending my child support on dildos
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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